


The Archetype

by lowkeyorloki (writtenintostars)



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (2011), Thor (Movies)
Genre: (mention) - Freeform, Angry Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angsty Loki, Blow Jobs, F/M, Hand Jobs, Hate Sex, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Light Bondage, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki didn't die, POV Loki (Marvel), Porn With Plot, Porn Without Plot, Post-Canon, Rough Sex, Smut, in fact this may be my most porn without plot multichapter i've written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:48:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenintostars/pseuds/lowkeyorloki
Summary: Told in second person but narrated by Loki, you are the Midgardian diplomat for Asgard. Loki never liked you, and takes the time to convince both you and himself of that - even as he visits your chambers every night.Based on the oneshot "Anger Management" from my Tumblr.*Now Complete*
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Loki (Marvel)/You, Loki x Reader, Loki/you
Comments: 66
Kudos: 340





	1. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some princes don't become kings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back it again with another multichapter. As always, I'm working with my beta @ uquroi. 
> 
> Enjoy chapter one!

Loki doesn’t even need to knock on your door. You open it before he raises his hand, like you had been waiting for him. That’s what Loki would have thought, if he didn’t see the annoyed look splayed across your features. 

You look small, mortal. Back on Midgard, it isn’t so obvious, but on Asgard, the contrast between you and the gods is like night and day. You’re inconsequential, with your oversize shirt that barely covers your ass, your messy hair pulled out of your face, the deep circles under your eyes. 

You look terrible. But that doesn’t make Loki leave.

He doesn’t wait to be invited in, he just pushes through the door. Almost immediately he turns back to face you: Loki hated your room. As the Midgardian diplomat, you didn’t get to go home much. Your solution was to bring your home to Asgard - or at least your corner of it. Your room was presumably set up like it would be on Earth, with a desk and strewn papers. There are tokens of your childhood, stuffed animals and old diaries almost everywhere. Loki tries not to look at them. They humanize you in his eyes, and he doesn’t want to do that. 

Loki pushes you against the door you’ve barely just managed to close, his fingers gripping at your hips and teeth scraping over your neck. He growls. _At least_ _Midgard did one thing right_ , he thinks as he kneads your ass. The thong you’re wearing makes it easier for him to get your arousal obvious, your body to tremble. Less work- although with you, Loki never truly had to exert himself. 

“Loki-” Loki nips at your bottom lip, hoping you’ll take the hint that he doesn’t want to talk tonight. He never does, but especially not now. He kisses your jaw, smirking when it draws a gasp out of you. He lets his lips drift down the neckline of your shirt, which is much too high for his liking. It makes him let out a breath of annoyance. He lifts you up, and before you can even think to wrap your legs around his waist, Loki tosses you across the room and onto your bed. 

You prop yourself up on your elbows, glaring at Loki.

“Really?” You ask, the first noise you’ve made since gasping into his mouth. “I’m tired, Loki. You show up this late, is it really necessary to manhandle me too?”

Loki rolls his eyes before they flicker down to your cunt. It betrays your apparent anger, the thin cloth covering it already wet. Loki can practically smell you from here. You’re just a mortal, but you take up all of Loki’s senses. He hates it. Hates you.

“I don’t recall saying you could talk.”

“I don’t recall asking for permission.” Loki joins you on the bed, hands on either side of your body as he towers over you. If you’re intimidated, you’re doing a good job at hiding it. “I’m not going to when I was nice enough to let you in.”

“Right. Because I’m the only one benefitting from this arrangement.” Loki flicks his thumb over your clothed clit. Your eyes roll to the back of your head. Loki sighs in the silence. “That’s better.”

“Can’t shut up Odin and Thor this way. Take what you can get, I guess.” 

Loki’s head snaps up, absolute fury taking over his mind. He grabs your hips, purposely digging his fingers into your flesh with enough force to leave bruises. Loki almost doesn’t hear the cry that escapes your lips as he flips you over so your face is hidden in the pillows. From there, Loki pins your hands over your head in a second, summoning a rope to secure them to your headboard. 

Loki would spend more time punishing you, chastising you for such insolence. But he’s aching for you, he came here for release and doesn’t want to chase it any longer. He spells away your shirt, leaving you almost completely naked. Loki licks his lips at the sight of you. He places a hand on the back of your neck, trailing it down until it reaches your ass. He gives each cheek a smack, your hips rising to meet him on the second one. As always, your body seems to come alive under his hungry stare. 

Loki dips down, placing a rabid kiss on your shoulder, making sure to leave a mark. He takes the material of your thong between his teeth, dragging it off your leg and tossing it aside. Loki turns his attention to your thighs, and you open your legs further when he does. Against your skin, Loki smirks. You were so easy. He frees himself, untying his pants as fast as he can. The rest of his clothes stay on as usual. Loki always wants you to be the one in a more vulnerable position. 

His cock teases your wet folds, and Loki is overcome with the need to feel you, warm and somewhat welcoming. He thrusts, entering you in fluid motion, but quickly drawing away so just his head rests inside you.

You fidget, watching him over your shoulder indignantly. Loki stares back, always patient. Finally, you let out a whine. He decides to give you  _ something _ , because he doesn’t want you to really get mad, reaching under you to tease one of your nipples, flicking the bud. You let out a small moan, your mouth falling slightly ajar. While your guard is down, Loki swiftly pulls away and enters you once more. You let out a cry, and being unable to throw your arms around him like you usually do, your legs tighten around Loki’s hips. You shudder underneath him, and Loki feels your walls clench. He curses.

“Lo...ki.” you say, the god’s name strained with every movement of his hips. Loki doesn’t answer, his breath hot on your shoulder as he hits the spot inside you that makes your toes curl. Loki lifts your legs so he can ram into you deeper. You gasp, your breathing becoming increasingly erratic. Loki reaches between your joined bodies, quickly finding your clit again and giving it almost too much attention. Your brow furrows, your cries getting louder and louder. This was why Loki had enchanted your room, so you wouldn’t alert the palace every time he paid you a visit. 

Loki fucks in and out of you, even harder than he usually does. Your whole body is shaking, completely dependent on Loki to hold and keep it steady. Completely under his control, Loki pushes into you so hard he hears your head hit the headboard. Gritting his teeth, Loki makes a note to himself to make sure it’s padded by the next time he visits you. It’s this night, this damn place, making him so needy. Loki chases his thoughts away by focusing on your face, dancing with pleasure and pain as he finally draws your climax from you. You cry with Loki’s final thrust as he comes inside you, both your bodies almost instantly going limp. Loki is heavy, his heaving chest on yours as he stills inside you. Observing you as you come down from your high, Loki waits until you have caught your breath and then eases out of you with a hiss.

Loki doesn’t even look at you, he just waves his hand so your own are free. He hears your groan behind him, but tries not to think about it. Standing, he tucks himself back into his pants.

“Hey.” your voice is deep, more so than usual. Loki glances your way, sees you’ve pulled your knees up to your chest. Drops of Loki’s cum roll down your thighs, dripping on your sheets. He blinks. Your face is contorted in a way Loki can’t quite read. “Any particular reason you had to go so... hard tonight?”

You are human, no matter how much it pains Loki to admit it. There’s no doubt you’ll be sore the next day. Loki can’t bring himself to feel bad for that. If anything, it just makes him somewhat excited.

Loki turns his back, walking towards your door. Gripping the handle, he stops.

“My mother. It’s the anniversary of her death.”

With that, Loki leaves. He’s wholly uninterested in your pity. 

-

When Loki wakes up the next morning, he’s thinking of you. 

He always is. It’s selfish how you manage to have such an affect on him. But Loki can’t place all the blame on you. There’s an aspect of self control missing as well.

Loki is half hard, and wanting to start his day, he takes care of it quickly. Wrapping his hand around his girth, Loki thinks about what he will do in your chambers tonight. He could bring a toy or two, you were quite the explorer. For all your faults, all the reasons Loki hates you, you were willing to try anything. He never had to worry he was truly taking advantage of you, that was part of the agreement. He would stop if you wanted him to. So far, you never did. 

Toys, however, wouldn’t be an option. Not tonight, at least. You could be so fickle, willing to retreat back into yourself. Sometimes Loki felt like he had to start all over with you, go back to the beginning and remind you of what the two of you enjoyed in one another. Having too much fun after last night’s “manhandling” - you would begin to shy away for sure. Loki couldn’t have that. 

So what else? Loki pictures sitting on the chair in your room, with you slowly lowering onto his cock. You would have been reluctant, nervous even, to take Loki after the previous night. You’d have bartered, offering to pleasure Loki instead with your hands or pretty little mouth. But Loki would be unwavering, insisting on the subject. You would be thankful for that, in the end, your desire to be one with Loki once more winning out above all else. So you would strip, crawling onto Loki. Your head would be thrown back, hands clutching at Loki’s shoulders as you struggled to keep your composure. Loki would have one hand on your hip, another mercilessly toying with your breast. You would be unable to catch your breath, your noises filling the room as Loki sat watched, brow barely beginning to sweat -

Loki stifles a moan as he spills into his hand. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and glares. He stands to clean himself up.

He had a plan for tonight, then.

-

If there was anyone Loki despised more than you, it was Thor. And if there was ever a sight to make him sick, it was your interactions with the older man.

Loki walks down the palace halls, and the sound of your laughter is unignorable. Naturally, Loki turns towards the noise, just in time to see you jump into Thor’s arms. He laughs as well, moving in a circle so your legs fly around you. When Thor sets you back down, he keeps his hands on your waist. 

It was inevitable that you and Thor would be close. As the king of Asgard, Thor had picked you as the Midgardian diplomat (a position that existed due to Loki’s almost-forgotten siege on New York. It amused Loki to think of how your superiors would react if they knew you got fucked by him on the daily. Perhaps he would have to remind you he could always inform them of that), a friend from his Avengers days. Loki wouldn’t even have known you if it weren’t for Thor. It makes him even more upset at his brother. Loki would be much better off if you didn’t insist on being in his thoughts. 

He watches you both from the shadows as you stand chattering over a map. No doubt some deal has been made between the two realms. Loki couldn’t care less. Politics did little to interest him now.

You’re smiling, one might even say beaming at Thor. It's an expression that you never wear around Loki. He might be jealous if he wasn’t privy to the various eyes you gave him away from the rest of the palace. 

There was a time Loki used to compare himself to Thor. He felt insignificant, the shadow of Thor’s brilliant sun. The women who showed up to balls and coronations flocked to Thor, with his blond hair and muscles. How could something like Loki compare? And when one considered which brother sat squarely in Odin’s favor…

But like everyone else, Loki had come into his own. There were those, women and men alike, who felt themselves drawn to Loki. He knew his lithe form and stormy curls enchanted a certain type of person. Someone who, while not quite as much as Loki, could have some semblance of original thought. 

You were one of these people. Loki knew of his affect on you. You stole glances at him during meals, fell silent when he walked into the room. On the rare occasions Loki allowed for himself to be as naked as you, you would touch him with feather light fingers. It was this contact that burned the most. Loki did not like how willing you were to bestow affection upon him. 

Thor wraps an arm around you, and despite his confidence, this makes Loki stumble. A certain emotion kicks in, taking over his senses. Not jealousy. Anger, derived from Loki’s possessiveness. He’s thankful to slip away before you and Thor can deduce was him. 

To an outside eye, and to all of Asgard, you are absolutely enamored with Thor. It’s rare you leave his side during the day, and the king consults with you even on matters that don’t concern your precious Earth. It is only a matter of time before you and the king announce you are lovers.

Even though Loki knows better than this, even though you have made it abundantly clear you have no interest in Thor, he still seethes after seeing you both. You weren’t Thor’s to touch, even if the intent was purely innocent. 

-

Loki doesn’t like the way you’re acting when he visits you that night. 

You let him kiss you against the door, and rid yourself of your clothes at his command. But you’re shaking. Loki places a hand on your breast, the tips of his fingers brushing your collarbone. 

“What’s the matter?” He asks. Your eyes move away, but quickly return to hold Loki’s gaze. 

“Nothing.” You say. A lie. Loki can spot them from you in an instant. He draws his hand away, clenching it. 

“Don’t lie.” He growls. “We swore not to.”

You nod. Loki’s right, there were things you both agreed to when this all started. You weren’t to lie to each other. Loki had never violated this oath of yours. He did not like to be the only one holding his end of the bargain. 

With lying out of the picture, you seem to elect to stay silent. Too proud to admit what was happening. Loki sighs.

“You’re trembling.” You raise an eyebrow at him. “Am I scaring you?” He asks. A look of surprise briefly graces your features.

“No.” You shake your head. Loki pinches the bridge of his nose. To his knowledge, you had a perfectly fine day, not moving from the spot he had observed you in earlier. Why did you have to be so… fragile? Mortal?

Oh. Of course. 

“Have you eaten today?”

You’re silent. 

Loki turns around, fixing his tunic before he wordlessly leaves. He can picture you, fretting over whether he would return. He hoped you would fret, at least. Sometimes Loki truly didn’t know.

He does return, but only once he’s gathered a plate of bread and meat. He doesn’t know much about mortal bodies like yours, but he has yet to meet a creature that didn’t benefit from protein. 

Loki sits on your bed, setting the plate down, and waits for you to join him. He doesn’t say anything, he just watches as you do the bare minimum and nourish yourself. Loki really couldn’t trust you to do anything. 

You look up at him when you’re finished, as if to say,  _ happy _ ? But Loki rarely is. He gets up, ready to actually leave this time. 

“Be prepared tomorrow.” Is all he says. 

Then he walks out your door, not even giving you a second glance.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh, goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Asgard and the other realms have reached a time of relative peace since the Avengers defeated Thanos. Gone were the days of Thor, Sif, and The Warriors Three fighting under the safety of Loki’s fog. Just the brothers were left, and war had since stopped being a sport for both of them. 

But there were still the odd battles, quick fights to put down in order to ensure there was no threat to the calm that settled over Asgard. They were nothing to fear, but Loki and Thor always took care to be prepared. Sometimes, late at night, Loki could still feel Thanos’s cold grip around his neck. There were marks left, ones that never faded. Loki made sure to wear high collars now. When Thor informs him there was a camp they had to disband, Loki is sure to grab newly sharpened weapons. Even in death, the Trickster would not underestimate Thanos and his followers. Loki never made the same mistake twice. 

“We will take Valkyrie. A few of the guards. It should be enough.”

“Where is the camp?” Loki asks. He catches a glimpse of you as you walk past the conference hall. Loki briefly imagines you in battle. He has to stifle laughter. 

“Niflheim.” Thor responds. 

“They always are.” Loki rolls his eyes. “This won’t be too long, shall it brother?”

“No more than two nights.” Thor assures him. “I don’t like to leave our kingdom unguarded long.”

Loki thinks of you alone in your room, both brothers unable to pay you attention. He considers how useless you would be if anyone decided to invade while the brothers were absent. You weren’t weak by human standards, but that meant nothing here. You were among gods, monsters, beasts. You fit into none of the categories. 

“Alright.” Loki nods. Thor grins.

“What makes you so eager to return to the kingdom, brother?”

Loki looks at Thor, his older brother who made it to the throne. They went from brothers to enemies, back to brothers, and now to… this. There were times twice over in Loki’s life when he would have opened up to Thor, been desperate for his companionship. 

But something happened between the time the two rekindled their brotherly bond and now. Loki didn’t know what it was. It certainly wasn’t Thor’s fault. It was possible it wasn’t anyone’s. 

Loki claps a hand on Thor’s shoulder, meeting his eyes. In that moment, Loki can tell Thor knows he isn’t going to get an answer. Thor smiles sadly, his eyes crinkling. 

“The kingdom mourned for mother yesterday. I want to be sure you’re alright.”

Loki, once again, says nothing. His methods were his own.

-

There are always feasts before and after Thor and Loki leave for these battles. Or when they leave at all. Traditions die hard. Thor always seems to struggle sitting at the head of the table, looking out over the attendees and platters of food. The switch of formality from prince to king did not come naturally to him. Loki wonders if it would be the same if he had become king. He doubts it. Loki was always better at appearances than his brother. 

You sit close to Thor, sipping at a tankard of mead. You look grossly out of place. The women of Asgard always wear dresses of silk and gossamer, while you wore what you had from Midgard. Blue jeans. Ankle boots. Gold jewelry that paled in comparison to the palace’s great halls. It was like you didn’t even try. 

Your beauty could compare to the Asgardians, something that Loki would reluctantly admit. He wouldn’t return to you every night and day if it didn’t. This was one of the reasons Loki was drawn to you in the first place: you shone just as bright as his fellow gods. It was simply in a different way.

It seemed to come so naturally to you, being yourself. A pang of jealousy stabs at Loki as he thinks this. You probably never had to hide who you were. No one did the way Loki had. He couldn’t even work to accept himself now. When Odin died, his spells did with him, and Loki was unable to break the one that kept him in his Aesir form. Loki’s Jotun form was lost. It was better that way, but Loki’s blood boiled all the same at the idea that Odin had control over him even when he was gone. 

Your smile grows bigger as you further drain your drink. You and Valkyrie laugh loudly, and you roll your eyes as you explain something with more animation than usual. Loki took care to know as little about you as possible. He has no idea what you could possibly be talking about. He couldn’t care less. 

Loki catches your eye, and gets up to leave. He waits outside the large wooden door, saying your name as you round the corner.

He startles you, and you trip over your own feet. Loki catches you, hands on your waist. You’re warm. 

“Careful.” He warns you, granting you a softer side of himself. Only for this moment. If any hurt was to befall you, Loki only wanted it to be from him. Not your stupidness or any other lifeform’s ill intent. 

Loki walks into a nearby hallway, close enough that the sounds from the feast are still loud. The hallway itself is dark, providing your soon-to-be illicit acts with cover.

Loki places his hands on your shoulders, pushing you to your knees. This is where you belong, eyes wide and ready to serve him. Loki stands triumphant over you. He’s already won. He knows it. 

“Here?” you ask, eyes darting towards the banquet you just left. Loki nods.

“Here.” He says, and it is not a question. You swallow. You reach out, taking Loki’s hand and pressing it over his clothed member. Your own hand rests over his. You begin to guide it, using Loki’s hand to cup himself, tease him until he starts to become hard. It’s enticing to watch, using Loki’s own hands against him. The thought is so arousing Loki’s cock twitches, and he begins to realize you’re gaining the upper hand. Loki can’t have that. Never. Never never never. 

Loki smacks your hand, something that echoes throughout the hallways but doesn’t actually hurt you at all. It gets his point across. He’s ready to move one.

You push Loki’s tunic up around his waist, exposing his toned abdomen. You run your tongue down the middle, swirling in a circle around Loki’s navel and stopping at the hem of his trousers. You let your mouth briefly pass over Loki’s clothed member, where he’s sure you taste the wet spot growing there. You lean back to undo the ties of Loki pants. You try to do so for an uncomfortable amount of time. Loki scowls, doing so himself.

“We’ve done this enough times. You should have learned how to unlace Asgardian clothes by now.”

You’re quiet, wordless as Loki’s cock springs free. When Loki stood like this, your attention was diverted to things other than mouthy retorts. 

You take the base in your hand, leaning forward to lick a stripe up to the head. You trace Loki’s veins with your tongue, drink in his precome. Loki watches you with greedy eyes as you press a kiss to the head of his cock. It makes him shiver. No one had done that before you. Loki likes it. Quite a bit. 

You hollow your cheeks, taking in more of Loki with each bob of your head. You take his balls in your hand, always sure to pay attention to each part of Loki, and surround him with warmth and arousal.

Loki begins to thrust his hips, groaning when he feels the back of your throat. You work to take him all, using both your hands to make up the difference. Loki’s head lands against the stone wall behind him. This,  _ this _ was why he stayed with you. Put up with your quirks and needs. Even before he taught you how to increase his pleasure, you had been so in tune with Loki. You knew what he needed, when he needed it. You read his cues with ease, like a poem you memorized long ago. 

Loki fucks your mouth, tugging on your hair and watching as tears prick at the corners of your eyes. You take him in one more time, and he comes, spilling down your throat. 

“Swallow.” He commands, even though he knows he doesn’t have to. But Loki reminds himself to lead you to believe any and everything you did was his own idea. 

You swallow, not letting a drop of Loki go to waste. You wipe your mouth after as Loki puts himself away. You stay perched on the floor until Loki picks you up and puts you on your feet.

He walks you to your room, aware his realm’s alcohol was heavier than yours. You lean on him slightly for support. When he reaches your door, you look at him. 

Loki leans forward, capturing your lips in his. He tastes himself on you. Loki tends to forget to kiss you, too caught up in other parts of your body to do so. But it’s your kisses that make Loki the most light-headed. It was good he didn’t get that too often. 

He wraps his arms around you, and you do the same. Your hands travel to Loki’s neck, something you most likely did with your human lovers back on Earth. 

But you were on Asgard now. You had been for some time.

Loki shoves you away, the doorknob digging into your spine. You let out a muted and pained noise. Loki doesn’t feel bad. You knew. You knew not to do that.

“Why?” You ask. You look upset, and thoroughly used. Your lips are swollen, and your hair is messier than usual. “Why don’t you let me hold you back?”

Loki doesn’t feel your small and well-meaning hands when they’re on his neck. He feels a pair of large, soul crashing ones, purple hued and stealing futures away. Futures that have only recently been returned. 

Loki wants to smack you. Instead, he settles on a scowl. 

-

Loki knocks on your door the next afternoon. He assumes that’s where he’ll find you. With Thor packing for the siege on Niflheim, you had little to do. 

You let him in swiftly, and Loki finds his hand on your ass the second you turn around. He slips his hand in the back of your jeans, sighing when he’s met with the feel of your soft skin against his. You put your hands on his chest. You like to do that. Loki doesn’t mind. 

He presses himself against you, letting his hips roll against your core. You gasp, eyes falling shut. Loki begins to suck on your collarbone, wanting to mark you before he leaves. The mark should be faded when he gets back, and Loki intends to put it right there again. 

You’re moaning, soft noises that sing like a choir to Loki’s ears. He keeps rolling his hips, only pausing to let you rock against him, but then he pulls away. 

Loki looks at you, and pulls you into a hug. He holds you too tight, intentionally chasing some of your breath away. This… doesn’t actually mean anything. He didn’t want you to think it did.

“I’m going to think of you in my tent at night, touch myself to the thought of what I’ll do to you when I get back.” He says. You nod.

“Should I be excited?” You ask, uncertain. Loki scoffs.

“No.” He answers. “You should be scared. I’ll be returning from a battle, after all.”

-

There’s always time for Loki to be alone in his tent on these escapades. After a day of clashing weapons and muttered spells, the Asgardians took their time for privacy. To recover, perhaps, or simply rest. 

Loki did not want to be here. He was tired of enemies and swords and cracks of thunder and lightning. The palace life suited him well. After all his years out in the universe, searching for answers, he was tired. The fight in Loki had died out. He had no more need for it.

Loki knows this spark leaving his body, his eyes, did not go unnoticed by those who knew him in his youth. Thor was of course the main culprit of this. He had grand ideas of ruling Asgard with his younger brother at his side. But Loki was used to being behind him, and by the time the possibility of being royal again was offered, he declined. 

Many thought that Loki’s apparent stagnant state was him being weakened. Giving up. Really, it was just him resting. Loki earned that. He knew he had. 

And besides, not even Loki could lie to himself for long. He was not merely existing with no purpose, no drive. He held certain people close. He was watching over them. If people thought Loki to be lethargic, they would fail to see him as a worthy adversary. Loki does not like to be underestimated. But he knows it can be used as a tool. 

As he frees himself from his armor in the safety of his tent, Loki thinks of you. He wonders what you do in his absence. He wonders if you miss your friends from Earth. Loki never found himself missing those like Sif or the Warriors Three. This was in part because they were not his to miss - they had been Thor’s companions at the end of the day. But it was also because Loki found no value in missing the dead. They would never be reunited. To miss someone meant you had hope that you would see them again. Loki is no fool. There are no spells to bring back those that were truly gone.

Loki had lost track of how long you had been on Asgard. Enough that you were comfortable, well-liked. Some servants whispered that you were like Frigga. Loki’s lip curled whenever he thought of this. You were not to be compared to her. 

You had yet to betray Loki in any way. Lie to him about things that actually mattered. At the moment, Loki had you in the palm of his hand. He had no intentions of letting you go. 

If Thor could hear this, he would think Loki cared for you. A foolish thought. Just because Loki wanted you to be in general good health, wanted you alive and well… It didn’t mean he cared. Not wanting someone dead seemed like the epitome of general decency. Thor and his holier-than-thou self should know that. 

Loki lays on his bedroll, his hand finding its way to his cock against his better judgement. He begins to recall every detail he can about you: the color of your eyes, the texture of your hair, the silly way you looked when you didn’t understand something. He begins to touch himself, trying to emulate the way you had touched him in the darkened hallway the other night. Loki curses. His hands, despite being that of a god’s, are nothing compared to yours. The pants filling the small area are not that of excitement, but anger. Loki struggles to find release without you.

Yet he needed it, because the very idea of you made the tight coil in Loki’s stomach travel to his member. He closes his eyes, focuses. Stroking himself, Loki thinks of pressing you against your bedsheets. You’re both nude, a form Loki doesn’t often allow you to see him in. But in his fantasies, where Loki has complete say over what you do, he lets you. He imagines you purposely testing his limits. You change your positions, Loki instead being the one at your mercy. You run a hand from his sternum to the base of his cock, fingers just barely touching the dark curls that greet you there. You lean down, your hot mouth closing around Loki’s nipple as you smile against his skin. It makes Loki groan, arch his back to feel more of you. Loki’s cock, in both his imagination and real life, lays curved and red against his stomach. It’s leaking, and you bow your head to giving the slit a comforting yet agonizing kiss. Loki begins to beg for more, but you don’t comply, not yet, further teasing teasing Loki’s aching cock with your mouth. Loki is unraveling, bending at your will, begging for you to touch him. Grant him passage inside you. When you finally agree, take Loki, he’s choking on his voice. You rub his shoulder to calm him down, and carefully, your fingers dance over his neck. Smooth over the permanent dark spots left by a Titan’s fingers so long ago. Loki doesn’t throw you away this time. He lets you. Lets you comfort him. Lets himself be comforted.

It’s this thought that gets Loki to come, making a mess all over himself and his makeshift abode. He shutters, his fantasy taking a real toll on his body. As he comes down, Loki feels dread. He could never have that with you. You would never accept that side of Loki. Not before he accepts it himself, at least.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your heart was glass I dropped it

Loki awakes the next morning, sore from battle and wound up from the previous night’s activities. It takes a moment for him to remember where he is. Tent. Makeshift camp. He groans outwardly, wishing to be back in the palace. 

Loki checks to see his armor is put on correctly before joining Thor and Valkyrie around the small fire they’ve made for breakfast. Thor offers Loki some sort of dried meat, but he shakes his head in response. Loki often found himself refusing the food that was offered to him, even the feasts prepared by the palace staff that reminded Loki so much of his childhood. He found himself living off small provisions, largely just bread to soak up all the wine he drank. It was just that everything made Loki nauseous now, every swallow brought Loki closer to madness. Meat in particular could make Loki uneasy with just the smell.

It was because of him, just like everything was. Because of the way the Titan had clutched Loki so hard, flinging him aside as if he were nothing. Rendering him almost as useless as the carcasses of animals everyone around Loki gorged themselves on. 

“More for us.” Thor declares, ever kind-hearted and clueless. Loki finds himself tugging on the high collar of his shirt. He couldn’t even blame Thor for this one. It was not his fault that Loki had an inability to let go of the past. 

“We will be back to Asgard by nightfall,” Thor tells his friends and the rest of the warriors. “Not many foes remain. We’re almost there, men.” Valkyrie glares at Thor, reaching out to punch him in the arm. Thor stumbles a bit. “And women.” He adds. Valkyrie smirks. 

Loki turns to go back to his tent, but a hand on his shoulder stops him. Loki turns around sharply, his glare piercing enough to cause Thor to retract his hand. 

“Brother.” He says. “How are your archery skills? Still the best in the realm?”

Loki knits his eyebrows, unsure if he had ever been awarded that title. Not because he was not good enough to warrant it, but because Loki’s existence had gone largely unnoticed until his betrayal. 

“It’s been awhile.” Loki says truthfully. “But I can help you when in need.”

Thor nods, silently thanking Loki before he lets him go. Loki re-enters his tent, and somewhat reluctantly, retrieves his arrows. 

-

Loki remains at the peak, a large slab of stone. It’s not towering over the battlefield, but Loki certainly has the advantage. He can see everything, watch for Thor’s signal and shoot an arrow at his command. Valkyrie fights as well, with as much fervor as Loki used to have. He feels a pang of something. Nostalgia? That couldn’t be it. It was more of an ache. Loki wished he could still get excited over such trivial things.

Or anything. 

Loki hears Thor’s call, and absentmindedly lets an arrow go. It strikes a foe in the ankle, and when it falls, Thor handles it. Quickly. Efficiently, so he can move onto the next.

The brothers really did make a good team. 

Loki scans the clearing, eyes raking over everyone he sees when he freezes. His chest begins to constrict, confusion washing over his features and tugging his eyebrows together. It couldn’t be. He has to be wrong. Loki leans forward, trying to decipher if this is some trick being played on him. 

It isn’t. There you are, in the middle of the battlefield, clutching an ax as if your life depended on it. 

Loki falters, but quickly clutches his bow as he begins to move. He jumps from his vantage point, surrendering his upper hand as he rushes towards you. There’s chaos around him, blood spray and yells like there always are in battles. Loki can barely pay it any mind. All he’s thinking of is you, wondering what the hell you’re doing here and how the hell Loki can get you out.

“Brother!” Thor bellows. He looks upset, dumbfounded as to why Loki would have left his post. But this is war, and there is no time for curiosity. Holding off a foe of his own, Thor gestures towards a target. “Now!”

Thor is pointing at you. Loki slows, completely unsure of what is going on. You were more dear to Thor than to Loki. How could the king of Asgard be calling for your death?

You’re making your way towards Loki, hair shining in the sun and a look of determination on your face. Loki swears he sees your grip tighten on your weapon, and he knows you’re about to attack.

Very slowly, Loki lowers his bow, unwilling to even entertain the thought -

A blade erupts through your chest, stopping you in your tracks. Your knees buckle, and you fall to the ground, coughing and spewing blood and curses all the way. Loki’s mouth drops open in surprise, and he runs towards you. Valkyrie is pulling her sword away, watching Loki with fury in her eyes. 

“The hell are you pulling, Friggason?” She demands. Thor stands besides her, wearing equal parts angry and worried. Loki is panting, horrified at what’s just happened. 

“I-” Loki glances down at your body, and the words are stolen from his mouth.

It’s not you. It’s one of these creatures they’re fighting, barely even resembling a human. This creature has dreep green skin, a long curled tongue. There was no way to mistake it for you.

Sensing something isn’t right, Thor leans forward, carefully taking the bow from Loki’s grasp.

“Come, brother,” he says to Loki. “The battle is won.”

-

Loki retires to his bedchambers immediately after returning to the palace. He runs a bath so hot it’s almost boiling. Loki hisses as he submerges himself, and while he’s uncomfortable, this must be done. There was no other way for Loki to cleanse himself of what just happened, chase away all the grime of conflict. 

Loki stares at his reflection, distorted by ripples and wavering. He scowls. Was it madness, what happened earlier? Mistaking an alien such as the species the one Valkyrie had slain for someone like you had to be. Loki could not fathom what could have possibly come over him, to see you in the face of that creature. 

What was nagging him more than the how was the why. 

You just couldn’t leave Loki alone. You followed him, the idea he had conjured up of you to live in his mind. It was one thing to keep you as a fantasy, but another for you to be a hallucination. This was going too far. Loki couldn’t quite understand it. 

He wonders what you’re doing right now. He imagines you’re speaking with Thor, being given an update even though this had nothing to do with Midgardian battles. Why you were privy to practically all royal affairs, Loki hadn’t a clue.

_ She’s smart, brother.  _ Thor told Loki years ago when they prepared for your arrival.  _ One of the smartest beings I’ve ever met.  _

Well. It didn’t take much to impress Thor, did it?

You were… clever. Loki didn’t busy himself who wasn’t. Of course, Loki hadn’t busied himself with anyone besides you. Not since you came to the palace. 

He did try, once. Called on one of his old stable boy flames to his chamber. It had just been wrong. There was an unmistakable feeling in the pit of Loki’s stomach that night.

Guilt. 

You knew Loki laid with no one else. He had told you so, in the most detached way he could. In a sneer, almost. Loki had implied you were moronic to think it would be any other way.

Really, he understood why you might not have known where you stood with the God of Tricks. He knew what they said about him on your home planet. Infidelity didn’t seem like a huge occurrence compared to murder. 

Loki doesn’t want to think about this. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and conjures up a more pleasuring image of you. 

You’re lying on your bed, flat on your back and knees splayed wide open. Your mouth is slightly ajar as you pant, chest rising and falling rapidly. In spite of the charm Loki placed on your room to make it soundproof, you’re still biting back moans, embarrassed of your own ecstasy. 

Your fingers are pushing in and out of yourself, feather light touches that make your eyes roll back. It all seems unceremonious, like this is just another night for you until you say it.

_ “Loki.” _

Your back arches off the bed, face buried in the pillows as you stretch yourself. You’re preparing yourself for Loki, doing everything in your power to be ready for him.

It’s mesmerizing. 

Loki’s name gets louder every time you moan it, choking and mewling and desperate with want. You’re waiting, as patient as you can be while waiting for a cock like Loki’s. While you own fingers are nothing compared to Loki’s, you’re working yourself up so much that you can’t help but -

Loki’s eyes fly open. He couldn’t put this off any further. 

He dresses quickly. Drains the tub of water.

Then he sets out to find you.

-

You’re in your room. 

You jump when Loki comes in, shutting the door behind him with a loud crack. The book you’re reading falls out of your hands, and a brief look of annoyance washes over your face. You probably lost your page. 

“Loki,” you say. “How was battle?”

There’s something about your tone. Loki doesn’t like it. 

“Like all the others.” He tells you curtly. “Nothing more than a nuisance.”

Loki crawls onto your bed, picking you up and pressing your back against the headboard. For once, Loki actively tries to be careful. He’s still on edge from what happened, and now riled up from the image of you in his fantasy. Loki doesn’t want to hurt you - no more than the amount of hurt you like, at least.

Loki captures your lips in his, hungry as he keeps your wrists pinned to the sheets. He bites the bottom of your lip, slipping his tongue further into your mouth when you open it to groan. Wasting no time, Loki reaches forward and slides a calloused hand over your stomach, relishing at the way you tremble under his touch. He takes your breast into his palm, massaging and worrying it until you’re moaning into his mouth. 

Loki waves his hand, and in a moment, your bra is gone, but your shirt remains. Loki smirks, enjoying the way your peaked nipples look through the thin white cotton of your shirt. He tugs you down so you’re lying on your back, quickly ridding you of your pants and underwear. 

The sight of your already-dripping core goes straight to Loki’s cock. You’re thoroughly soaked, and when Loki glances up to meet your eyes, they’re wild with anticipation.

“So enticing,” he coos. You turn your face away, embarrassed under such attention. “I take it you missed me while I was gone?”

No response. Loki’s lips press into a thin line.

“Answer me.” He commands, and your head snaps back up. Loki presses a searing kiss to the inside of your thigh, and earns a sinful groan from you in response. 

“Yes.” You say, face hidden from Loki’s view.

He’ll have none of that. He moves so he’s lying on his side, face level with yours but still more than able to reach your cunt. 

“Yes what?” Loki asks. “Look at me.”

Reluctantly, you turn your face. Loki smirks, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Yes, I missed…” you trail off, looking at Loki’s hands. “You.”

Loki stalls, just for a moment, at the implications of this. Panic and fury course through his veins, but Loki controls it. Not the time. This was not the time.

“There.” Loki’s fingers begin to tease your entrance. They run up and down your folds, becoming slick with your juices. He swipes his thumb over your clit, and you let out a mewl. Loki grins. “That’s right. Was that so hard?”

You take a shaky breath, looking at Loki with those tantalizing eyes of yours. “No.” You murmur.

Loki feels his cock beginning to strain against his pants. Without a warning, he pushes a finger into you.

You let out a cry, surging forward to cling to Loki’s shoulders. He hums, curling the digit inside you before adding another. You hiss, nails digging into Loki as your muscles contract around him. 

“Loki,” you choke out, but never finish your thought. Loki begins to pump his fingers in and out of you, a chorus of mewls and pleasure falling from your lips. 

Loki adds a third finger, and your hips begin to meet Loki’s movements, syncing up in a way Loki knows you like. At some point, you reach forward, and begin to knead Loki’s thigh. Almost like you know that right now, he won’t let you go any further than that. 

“Feel good, doesn’t it?” Loki asks, picking his words wisely. This way, he doesn’t give you a choice. You can only say yes, your only choice is to acknowledge the power he has over you.

And that’s exactly what you do.

“Yes.” You moan. Loki smirks.

You’re coming in just a few minutes, tears pricking at the edges of your eyes and legs shaking. Loki pulls his hand away, pressing your hips into the mattress as you ride your orgasm out. He then makes a show of licking your juices off your fingers, enjoying the way your eyes widen in response.

Loki lays back, resting his eyes. He wants to do more. Loki wants your legs over his shoulders as you scream his name, so loud not even his magic and spare the castle from hearing you. 

But he’s exhausted from the past few days, unable to give you more than that. He lays there for a while, comforted by your breaths. Almost even forgetting you’re there. It’s pleasant. 

Your hands begin wandering, perusing Loki’s chest. Eventually, they stop at the hem of Loki’s shirt. Loki knows, he understands that you’re silently asking for permission. 

Loki is tired. Perhaps that’s why he grants it. 

You unbutton Loki’s shirt, starting at the bottom and gradually working towards the top. Loki almost stops you then, always weary of the marks on his neck. But for some reason, he doesn’t this time. He’s set that boundary, and he has faith you will respect it. 

When Loki’s torso is bare, he hears your little gasp. It feeds his pride, and lessens the anxiety over this part of his body being on display. Your eyes are wide with awe and appreciation, but something else quickly covers that. Sadness.

You take in the bruises - the ones Loki had just been given from the battle. You’re pointedly not looking at Loki’s neck, or even his face. That was fine by him. He didn’t want you to see, and Loki rarely wanted to look at you.

But the other bruises, you observe carefully. There’s one on Loki’s stomach, and one on his ribs. A final deep, angry purple mark towards his collarbone. You look so melancholic, like Loki’s pain was yours instead of his own. 

Carefully, you reach out, tracing the shape of each bruise with your fingers. You follow that with your tongue, and finish by placing kisses over each patch of traumatized skin. It was like you thought that would help, like it would do something. 

This was almost perfect.

And then you decide to speak.

“Loki…” You say, with that same tone from before. Loki hates it. 

“What.” He spits. You seem to shrink away. Still, you prop yourself up on an elbow, looking at him.

“Thor mentioned something.” You say. Loki feels the blood rush to his ears. “He just said you seemed distracted, or worried, and I-”

“You what?” Loki asks, tone icy. This… moment, intimacy, whatever, was suddenly gone. You fall silent. Loki stands up, pacing around your small room. “I don’t see why you spend so much time with Thor. I struggle to understand why you take him so seriously.”

Your face falls. You gather your knees against your chest, retreating into yourself. 

“He’s my best friend, especially here.” You say. Loki scowls.

“I don’t like that.”

“Well, I don’t care.” Loki stops moving, shocked. You’d never spoken to him like. You knew not to. Loki tries to tell you as such, but you won’t let him. You won’t shut your mouth. “You’ve made it perfectly clear what you do and don’t want from me.”

“Don’t talk to me like that!” Loki has to restrain himself from yelling at you. You, however, stay as calm and cool as ever, and it’s pushing Loki towards breaking. 

He  _ hates _ you. 

“Like what? The way you talk to me?”

“Get out.”

You scoff. You, in all your mortality, have the gall to scoff at Loki Friggason. Rage pummels through his body like nothing else he’s ever felt. 

“This is my room.”

“This is my realm.” Loki responds through gritted teeth, clenching his fists. 

You look away, no clever retort to be had.

Because Loki was right. No matter how much Thor divulged to you, no matter how many drunken laughs you had with Valkyrie, and no matter how many times Loki came to see you at night…

You didn’t belong here. And that was painfully obvious. 

“Do you know why I did this Loki? Become a diplomat for Earth?” You ask after a moment. Loki rolls his eyes. You swallow. “It’s so that no one else had to. I didn’t want anyone to have to leave their home.”

With that, you stand up, handing Loki his shirt. Then you walk into your bathroom, shutting the door behind you. 

-

Dinner that night is very quiet, little else to be heard besides the sounds of forks against plates. Loki pushes his food around his plate, electing to drink one too many glasses of wine instead. He can’t fathom the idea of keeping food down right now.

Thor must feel tense, or even just awkward. His eyes keep flickering to Loki, not nearly as ceremoniously as he would like to think. Loki sits silently, seething. 

“You know,” Thor says, clearing his throat. “I haven’t spent much time with both you and Loki.” Loki pays attention when he hears his name, sees Thor looking at you. “Perhaps I should change that. Loki could brush up on his archery skills, and I’m sure you wouldn’t mind learning another Asgardian skill, right?” You give the king a fake smile. “In fact,” Thor continues. Loki exhibits an incredible amount of self control not creating some excuse to leave. “You haven’t spent much time with Loki at all, have you?”

Your eyes flicker down, avoiding Loki’s at all cost. “Not much of substance, no.” 

Your words hit Loki like a battering ram. But he would rather fall off Bifrost all over again than let you know that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive off kudos and comments! Be sure to tell me what you think...
> 
> Big shoutout to my beta, @ uquroi, who is just the best.
> 
> Feel free to visit me on tumblr, @ lowkeyorloki and/or check out my other Loki works with that same handle here on ao3.
> 
> See you next week folks!


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause your body's a message, send my regards to Hell

Loki is relentless with you tonight. 

He’s angry with you - more so than usual. Any other day, Loki is merely disgruntled by your existence. You’re a nuisance, but you can be ignored. 

Your comments in the dining hall the previous night did not go unnoticed by Loki. And to make it all worse, that had clearly been your intention. 

You were starting to break away, challenge Loki in ways he did not appreciate by any means. Loki always was aware you had limits, breaking points. Everyone did. He also knew quite well you were not a weak person, not by the standards of your kind. You were steadfast in your views, strong and driven. Smart. This was why you earned a second glance from the Trickster god.

But he did not expect or desire for those qualities to affect him. Loki enjoyed the dynamic between the two of you: no one would expect for the proud Midgardian diplomat to bend - sometimes quite literally - to anyone else. Loki thrived in knowing he had so much power over you. You had a whole other life Loki kept a secret, in his palms, in his chest. 

You were disrupting it. Letting your true self trickle through the cracks. 

Loki would allow it no longer. 

He had bound your hands too tight to the headboard. Intentionally, the prince would not be too proud to admit. But Loki was no monster. He made sure you didn’t want the ropes any looser. There was a fire in your eyes when you told him to leave all as it was.

The fire had become passion, and as the skin of your wrists was being rubbed raw, you cried for Loki to go _ faster _ ,  _ harder _ ,  _ please _ ,  _ please _ ,  _ please _ . 

And he obliged. 

Loki watches in fascination as his member moves in and out of your dripping cunt. You’re slick with arousal, swollen from wear. Loki watches as your body adjusts and takes him in completely, aching and ruined for anyone but himself. His balls slap against your skin, earning a grunt from Loki. Your eyes are long screwed shut, mouth falling open as your orgasm leaves you quivering underneath Loki’s mass.

Loki releases deep inside you, filling you with his seed. He leans back, eyes raking over you as you attempt to catch your breath. It returns to you slowly. 

Loki’s eyes travel back to your core. He reaches forward, pushing the drops of his come back inside you with an intense concentration. 

Briefly, Loki thinks of what would happen if his seed were to take. It was impossible, you were on Midgardian and Asgardians contraceptives alike. Still, Loki’s mind wanders. He could rarely help it; it was something almost completely out of his control. That’s what he told himself, at least.

Loki pictures you swollen with his child. He was unsure of how safe it would be, a human carrying a being with Jotun blood. There was no doubt it would be dangerous, but Loki would be there to help you. He’d hold your hand, rub your full belly. On restless nights, he would gather you in his arms, singing you lullabies until you were asleep in his arms. He would be so proud of you. 

Loki ponders this as he finger fucks his come back inside you, and when he’s satisfied you’re holding enough of him, he reaches above you and frees your hands. 

He has to admit, a wave of guilt washes over him when he sees your wrists. They’re bleeding slightly. Loki brings your hands forward, and lets his lips brush the damaged skin. Your breath catches, and Loki realizes what he’s doing. He lets go of you, then lays down. He’s careful not to touch you. Loki stares at the ceiling and listens to the sounds of your breath and his own. Both of your bodies are slick with sweat, and Loki is glad the sheets had been tossed off your bed. 

Your hand brushes Loki’s, and for a moment, he thinks you’re about to take it. But you jerk away, most likely instinctively. You never initiated contact. You waited, patiently. Loki always came to you, and for you. That was understood. 

Still, Loki’s heart jumped in his chest. Holding hands was a simple act, especially when compared to the other things you and Loki had done. But it was different. Fundamentally so.

Loki had never considered if you wanted anyone to know about the nature of your relations to him. Loki was so dead set on staying hidden. Were you even asked how you felt about it?

Of course, it wouldn’t matter. Loki would have kept it a secret anyway, added it to his ever-growing collection. But would you stand by Loki’s side? Would you be proud to hold his hand?

If so, you would be the first.

It’s predicaments like this, when your body is so close but your mind is so far away, when Loki’s walls come crashing down. They are hopeless against your might, because you are so keen to find and burn every foundation until there is nothing left to protect. 

And so Loki lets the question slip.

“Do you think I’m a monster?”

Unlike most, you don’t stiffen or freeze at such an uncomfortable question. In fact, you don’t move at all. Like Loki, you continue to stare at the ceiling, almost as if you had expected the question. 

“I think you want to be,” you turn to face Loki. He can feel your gaze, but refuses to meet it. He wills himself to stay strong. He has to, “and that’s why you aren’t.”

Loki has no idea what to say, he doesn’t even know what you’re talking about. He stands up abruptly, pulling on layer after layer of clothing until he’s presentable enough to be seen by the rest of the palace. 

Before he can leave, Loki catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His shirt isn’t on correctly, and the bruises on his neck are peeking out of the collar. Before he even realizes what he’s done, Loki feels a surge of energy pass through him, and the mirror shatters. 

Loki curses, then leaves. 

-

_ I think you want to be. _

_ That’s why you aren’t.  _

Loki tosses and turns until night becomes morning. He can’t get your damn words out of his head. 

Who did you think you were, making Loki crave your body and now company? Until recently, Loki only thought of you for physical favors. He went out of his way to ensure that’s all you are to him. But it’s not working. It’s not working. 

You were more now. You were some part of Loki, as much as he didn’t want you to be. Selfish, stupid, human. You had no right. 

Loki snarls, standing up and walking towards his mirror. He can see his whole self reflected in it.

It makes him sick. 

Loki just looks weak, or…. Fragile. Confused. He looks the way he felt when Odin first betrayed him all those years ago, and Loki’s world came crashing down. The bruises on Loki from the Titan and recent skirmish alike on his pale form stand out. Loki just seems small. 

You were right. Loki did want to be a monster. 

Because that’s what everyone thought he was. There was no hiding it; Loki was not and never would be forgiven for his numerous crimes. Only Thor and Valkyrie had faith in him, but they meant little to Loki. He couldn’t let them. 

To lose Thor a third time…

So yes, of course Loki wanted to be a monster. It was protection, self-defense. If Loki was callous and cruel and capable of true horrors, he would be okay. Loki could not lose something, or someone, he didn’t have. 

But Loki didn’t like that you knew. How could you know that? How did you find that out?

Why could you see him so thoroughly?

Loki’s breathing has become shallow, and when he looks at his hands, they’re full of hair that he’s ripped out of his own head. He stumbles backwards, and falls. 

Why couldn’t you let him be? Why wouldn’t you leave him alone?

Loki survived and became hardened after the Endgame, and because of that, he survived more. He was here today because he became heartless. He couldn’t let you take that away from him. 

Loki has started to tremble when there’s a knock on the door. 

Loki looks at it in confusion, then at the window. It was still dark. No one should be here. No one visited Loki in his chambers, anyway. 

Slowly, Loki pulls his aching body to its feet, dragging himself to the door. He takes a deep breath before opening it, trying to appear the opposite of how he felt. 

It was you. 

You looked relaxed, but restless. The bags under your eyes are deep, but you’re wearing casual clothes you wouldn’t be caught dead throughout the palace in. Your arms are crossed over your chest, eyes trained on Loki. They do a quick sweep over his nude form before your gaze meets Loki’s. 

“Can I come in?” You ask. 

Loki is speechless. He isn’t even sure how you knew where to find his chambers. 

And yet, he finds himself stepping aside and closing the door behind you. 

You look around the room, but Loki can tell it’s mostly for show. You sit on his bed, the mattress creaking slightly under your weight. Loki finds himself sitting next you, too close for comfort. Or perhaps not enough. 

“I wanted to see if you were okay,” you whisper. Hesitantly, because you know statements such as this have a tendency to ward Loki away.

But not this time. He remains at your side. 

“Loki?”

He’s so close that his nose bumps yours when he raises his head to look at you.

You just look so… welcoming. And Loki hasn’t felt safe in a long time.

Loki’s head falls against your shoulder, and he wraps his arms around your middle to hold you close. He begins to shake, so violently the bed seems to vibrate. You’re frozen for a minute, probably shocked at such an open display, but you aren’t caught off guard for long. You shift so you can sit against the headboard, holding Loki as tight as he grasps you. You comb your fingers through his hair, press kisses to his temple. 

“It’s alright,” you keep telling him, “I promise, it’s okay, baby, it’s okay.”

A cry falls out of Loki’s lips at the Midgardian pet name, and he buries his face deeper in the crook of your neck so you can’t see his wet eyes. You say it again, and Loki clutches you, so you keep whispering it. With one of your hands on Loki’s neck and the other on his thigh, Loki feels so  _ warm _ , your heat enveloping him and keeping him grounded. It’s you, you’re you and you’re here and Loki is so humiliated by the fact that he isn’t ready to let go. The longer he stays like this, the more he’s sure he never will be. 

The two of you lay down, and you dip your head, peppering kisses on Loki’s chest, stomach, hips. They aren’t the kinds of kisses that are meant to lead to anything else. They just ground Loki, let him know that you aren’t going anywhere. 

Loki isn’t sure when he falls asleep, he just knows he’s in your arms when he does. That was too much, and nowhere near enough, for him. 

-

When Loki wakes up next to you, he doesn’t have the heart to throw you out. 

But you can’t stay here either, so Loki needs you gone. 

He asks you to leave with his back facing you, voice muffled by a pillow. You’re quiet. You trace Loki’s spine and shoulder blades with your finger, listening. 

“Please,” Loki begs. “Go.”

Loki feels you press your lips to his shoulder, and then hears the door click shut. 

He blinks.

He didn’t think you would listen. 

-

Loki didn’t know what to do. 

He had come up with one solution to this, to remedy his display of weakness. He could enchant you, make you forget. It wouldn’t be the first time he cast that spell.

But then what, the next time Loki was vulnerable? He would accept your advances, he knew that. He wasn’t strong enough to refuse you anymore. What was he to do, extract your memories one by one, until there was nothing left of you?

No. Loki couldn’t do that. 

Like he had been doing his whole life, Loki would just have to face the consequences. He brought them on himself anyway.

-

It was just Loki’s luck that this was the day Thor had planned for the three of you to practice archery. The practice grounds were just far enough away that horses would be required to reach it.

But you didn’t know how to ride a horse. And you couldn’t ride with Thor, Sleipnir had barely accepted Odin’s son as a master. You would not be welcome. 

You ended up on Loki’s horse, arms wrapped loosely around Loki for balance. There’s silence as the three of you ride through the forest, and it is wholly uncomfortable. 

Loki spots a snake crossing the path in front of him, and perhaps horribly, he leads his horse towards it. The creature startles, rearing up on its back legs. You let out a gasp, and hold Loki tighter. Even after the horse has calmed down, you don’t loosen your grip on Loki. 

He smirks. 

-

It’s to be expected you’re horrible at archery. Loki can’t even blame you. There was little reason for a human to master such a skill. 

He coaches Thor briefly, who is perhaps more hopeless than you, and then carefully directs your arrow towards the target. He tells you to relax. 

Your arrow only comes close to its goal when Loki is there to watch it. 

Soon, there are little or none for you or Thor to grab, so Loki begins to collect all the arrows that have missed their target by an embarrassing amount. 

Loki hears your scream before he feels the pain. 

Loki falls instantly, landing in the soft grass. He experiences a throbbing feeling, but already the world is hazy. Loki watches the blue skies, smiles at the shapes he finds in the clouds.

You’re at his side almost immediately. You start to sob, cradling Loki’s head. He follows your gaze to his thigh, which is inflamed and bleeding and angry. 

There’s an arrow sticking out of it as well. You’re hysterical, ripping the fabric of Loki’s pants to get a better look at the wound before retching. 

“I’m going to take it out, and Thor is getting help, but you can’t stay like this - I’m going to count to three, okay, and then -” Loki can hear your words perfectly well, but he isn’t really sure what you’re saying. He just watches you, his head light.

He yells when you rip the arrow out, and you start to sob again. You pull your shirt over your head, press it against Loki’s thigh. Your arms are stained with blood up to your elbows. 

You cup Loki’s cheek, leaving a mess of red there in its wake. 

“You’re going to be okay,” you’re crying. 

Loki’s trying so hard to stay alert, but he doesn’t feel so good right now. He can just barely make out the silhouettes of Thor and the palace nurses when he closes his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're liking the story so far, please consider dropping some kudos or a comment! You have no idea how much it helps me :')
> 
> Be sure to check out my beta, @ dilfism. You can also always come say hi to me on tumblr @ lowkeyorloki.
> 
> Can you believe there's one chapter left? Tell me how you feel so far!


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I can be alone again

_[ The Archetype playlist  ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3KZD3UbKpe1yPSKESIphsV) _

* * *

Loki can’t breathe.

He gasps for breath, clawing at the single pearly purple hand that keeps him hostage. There seems to be no escape. 

Loki has made his bargain. He looks to Thor, and while he is stricken, Loki feels a certain calm wash over him. Thor will be safe. Perhaps a few other Asgardians will make it out alive too.

_ You will never be a god _ , he chokes out. 

The hand suddenly lets him go. Loki thinks he catches a glimpse of you, just your shoes. Your favorite beat up pair. 

His neck doesn’t hurt as much as he remembered it to.

-

_ My little prince _ , the woman smiles, a feature that lights up the entire room. Her hair falls down in golden ringlets, and it’s hard for Loki’s eyes to distinguish them from the golden walls of his palace. His golden home. Loki does not blend in the way his mother does.

He holds Frigga’s hand, and realizes how he refuses to think about her unless it is the anniversary of her death. What had he done that day?

Loki had found his way to you, of course.

His hand is tiny, enveloped by his mother’s. It confuses Loki, but then he understands.

He was young in this memory. He wishes he could stay. But he sees you rounding the corner on the opposite side of the hall. Loki tilts his head up towards Frigga, telling her he has to go. He has to chase after you.

-

_ You come home _ , Thor is telling him. 

Tears run down Loki’s cheeks. He remembers this well, perhaps even the best. The attack on New York. 

_ It’s too late _ , is all Loki can muster, it’s all he can say with the Titan in his head. Loki’s thoughts are convoluted, he can’t tell which are his own. He grips his brother’s wrists, silently begging him to see. This wasn’t Loki. He didn’t want this. He was just as trapped as everyone else.

Loki looks over the destruction, every scream lodging itself in his head. At the time, Loki was unaware they would never leave.

He catches a glimpse of you being tormented by the Chitauri. Mustering one last bit of strength, Loki shoves Thor away, jumping off Stark Tower. 

He hopes to land next to you.

-

_ This is the diplomat from Midgard. _ Thor tells Loki. Loki does not look up yet, trying to finish the sentence of his novel. It had been a long time since he had engaged in pastimes.  _ She is highly praised by the people of Earth.  _ Loki can hear the kindness in Thor’s tone. He almost envies it.

_ That won’t mean much here _ , Loki turns to look at you. He freezes. 

You’re very…

Even in reflection, Loki can’t find the words to describe you that first day. You were so eager for your position. You dipped your head.  _ Prince Loki _ , that was what you said.

He sneered at you.

It wasn’t long before you became better acquainted. 

-

Loki didn’t like this one.

There are no good memories to offset the horrible ones with Laufey. Sometimes, Loki thinks he hates both his fathers equally.

Then he remembers only one lied to him.

Laufey’s red eyes are piercing, and he’s laughing. It was Loki who let the Jotuns in Asgard after all.

But he’s not laughing about that this time. He’s looking right next to Loki.

You’re standing at his side.

Loki yells. Not this memory. You couldn’t be here. Laufey would rip you to shreds.

_ This is the one that brings my son to his knees? _ Laufey taunts.  _ How pathetic. I could fuck her with a thrust and she would split. _

Loki doesn’t know where this is coming from. It isn’t memory anymore, it’s fear. A deep, deep nightmare. 

He awakes shouting your name.

-

You aren’t there to greet him in the hospital wing. Instead, Thor sits by Loki’s side. He lights up when his brother awakens. 

Loki is gathered quickly into Thor’s arms, pressed against the chest of the Asgardian king in a stifling hug. He coughs, awkwardly. Thor draws away.

“How do you feel?” He asks. Thor hands Loki a glass of water, which Loki drains quickly. His throat is dry. Thor pours him another, then another, until Loki finally speaks. 

“No worse than you could expect me to,” Loki says. He looks down. He is wearing a loose shirt, but nothing else, he discovers when he peeks under the thin sheet that covers the rest of him. One of his thighs is wrapped tightly, white cloth stained red. 

“They want you to rest two more days,” Thor says, knowing the question would be on Loki’s mind. Loki nods solemnly. 

He asks if you feel guilty. Thor sours.

“It was not her whose arrow strayed so far,” he admits. “I’m sorry brother.”

Loki blinks in surprise. He had expected it was you. You were so hysterical, after all. Loki would have thought it was guilt. 

“She stayed with you the whole first day, you know. She was inconsolable. Any outsider would have thought it was her indeed.”

“Why isn’t she here now then?” Loki asks, and is then embarrassed. Still, he waits for an answer. Thor gives him a sad smile.

“I don’t know.” Loki deflates. 

Thor stays for another hour or so. Then he leaves to fulfill his duties, but promises he’ll visit the next day.

-

That night, Loki dreams of you. Dreams of intertwined bodies, and it’s unclear where yours stops and Loki’s begins. 

_ I’m not nice, you know _ . He says. It’s a warning. You can turn back from this if you want. It doesn’t have to become real.

_ No _ , you agree, wrapping one of Loki’s black curls around your finger.  _ But you’re kind, Loki. That’s enough for me. _

-

“What went wrong, Loki?” Thor asks the next day. Loki is not adverse to the company, but he isn’t craving it either. 

“I haven’t a clue what you mean,” Loki responds. He wishes he could bathe. He felt disgusting. It was distracting. 

“Don’t lie to me. I’ve had a lifetime's worth of false truths from you.” Thor doesn’t sound angry. He seems it, though. Loki sighs.

“Very little has been consistent between us,” he explains. He thinks of all the times Thor has betrayed him, and all the times Loki has returned the favor. 

“And you think we will hurt each other again?”

“No.” Loki’s answer is sharp. He wouldn’t dream of harming Thor, not now. Loki swallows. “But I think someone will. I would like to mourn as little as possible.”

“You have changed since Thanos.” Loki almost hisses at the name. He was very careful not to even think it. “I miss you, brother.”

Loki throws a glare in Thor’s direction. “Which version of me?”

Thor leans back, resigned. But he doesn’t leave. 

That was one thing that was consistent, at least. 

-

“She hasn’t come out of her room, you know,” Thor informs Loki on his last day in the hospital wing. Loki purses his lips. “Don’t act like you don’t care,” Thor teases gently. “I am well aware there is some type of affection between the two of you.”

Loki scoffs. “Is she that obvious?”

Thor gives Loki a smile that is both pitiful and condescending. 

“It’s you that is obvious, Loki.” He says. Loki sputters, so Thor lets out a booming laugh. “I’ve known since the moment you met her. You are not as secretive as you used to be.”

Years ago, Loki would have considered that an insult.

Today he finds it freeing. 

-

Loki is eager to knock on your door. 

It took some amount of effort to get to your room, with it being on the opposite side of the castle. There’s a dull ache in Loki’s nether regions, though not the same type he usually feels around you. Thor had shot the arrow quite well. 

When you open the door, Loki feels himself becoming better. The sight of you alone brings his spirits up. 

You’re glowing, and your hair lies wet against your shoulders. You smell like your favorite soap, the one that came in liquid form that you travelled down to get from Midgard on your yearly visit. Loki finds it to be intoxicating.

“May I come in?” He asks. 

“I’m busy,” you answer. Your voice shakes. Loki cocks his head. 

“Doing what?” 

“I’m-” you frown, then open the door wide enough for Loki to slip in. Suddenly, you look worn down. 

“Are you well?” Loki looks around. Your room is messier than usual. Heaps of dirty clothes are piled higher, and even for you, the amount of crumpled up papers with scribbles is staggering.

“Of course,” you answer. Loki watches you cooly. You’re on edge. “You know I’m taken care of here,” there’s a beat of silence. You cross your arms. “If this is all you need, I’m really trying to focus on-”

“I was surprised you weren’t at my bedside.” Loki confesses. You stall. “I… would have liked for you to have been.” Loki thinks of your comforting embrace, your nimble fingers combing through his hair. He’s aching for that from you right now. 

“I don’t think I can see you anymore,” you say stony-faced. Loki blinks.

_ What? _

Confusion wraps around Loki, so strong his vision blurs. What were you saying?

You had been begging for Loki’s genuine affection for years now. He was ready to give it to you.

And yet, you wouldn’t accept it.

“What?” Loki asks, and he lets his hurt and love - yes, love, that was what this is, Loki could admit it now - shine through his tone. He steps towards you with open arms, but you practically leap away. 

“Don’t,” you say so forcefully Loki stops. Loki isn’t sure when you started to cry, but it’s obvious now as you swipe tears off your cheeks. Loki’s heart breaks. He doesn’t enjoy seeing you like this anymore. He isn’t annoyed, he’s distressed. Why weren’t you okay? You clear your throat, clearly trying to ground yourself. “I had to wash your blood off my hands, Loki.” Your voice is thick. “You can laugh at me all you want. I’ve heard the stories of the battles you’ve fought and the people you’ve survived. But seeing you like that, wounded and hurt… I had to scrub to get it off my arms, Loki. It wouldn’t- it wouldn’t come off.”

Jotun blood. Internally, Loki curses. 

“I don’t ever want to feel as helpless as I did then, Loki. I can’t. I’m not strong like you.”

“You’re stronger,” Loki's response is immediate. It’s true. He means it. But you shake your head.

“Please go,” you say. 

You’re begging, just like Loki did about a week ago.

That night, Loki wants you so much. It’s not your body he craves.

He vows to never bleed again.

-

You won’t even look at Loki. 

The only time he sees you is during meals. You’re very careful to do little more than talk to Valkyrie in hushed tones, or push food around your plate. Loki spends hours on end in the library, hoping you’ll stumble in and find him there. But you never do. 

There have been a few times when Loki passes you in the hallway he’s tempted to let his hand brush against yours. 

But Loki respects you too much now. He won’t give you what you don’t ask for. 

-

Longing, Loki decides, is very similar to nausea. 

He feels it deep in the pit of his stomach, until it works itself up into his throat. It’s consuming and he cannot ignore it. 

The loneliness is worse. 

Loki finally admits to himself he needs someone after… after as long as he can remember. Now he is all too ready to say he is lonely. He needs you.

Wasn’t there a saying in your world, acceptance is the first step to recovery?

Loki normally wouldn’t have found that sentiment to be true. But lately, he’s torn all the collars off his shirts. 

-

“Does she speak of me?” Loki asks Thor. He is becoming desperate.

“No.” Thor shakes his head slowly. Loki’s gaze falls.

“I don’t know what to do, brother.” Loki says wistfully. 

“And I don’t know what to tell you,” Thor responds. “It was often I going to you for advice, brother. It is strange to see the tables turned.”

“Yes,” Loki agrees.

There isn’t much more to say.

-

Loki tries to touch himself as he thinks of you, but it feels wrong.

He knows you’re hurting, in some capacity, and to picture you acting so lewd feels wrong.

Moreover, Loki is filled with regret when he thinks of all the times he laid with you. Not once did he ever treat you with care, and not once did he ever take the time to slow down.

And now he left with blurs of memories. It’s like everything Loki has done with you is one of his doubles. His hand disappears when he reaches out to touch. 

-

Loki’s breath escapes him. 

He leaves his room briefly, desperate for fresh air. It’s crisp right now, and refreshing.

He doesn’t expect to return and see you sitting on his bed. 

How long has it been since Loki has really seen you? A month? Two? Your hair is longer. You’ve painted your nails, a Midgardian habit Loki always found charming. 

“I-” you swallow. “Hi.”

Loki stares. “Hello.”

No one says anything.

“Loki,” you stand. “I was hoping we could talk.” You flinch. 

You’re probably afraid Loki will throw you out. He couldn’t blame you. 

“Of course.” Nodding, you sit back down. Loki sits as well, but leaves space between your bodies. 

You look at Loki, and he gazes back. He begins to notice all these things about you, things he hadn’t taken the time to acknowledge before. The slope of your shoulders, the lines of your hands. Loki admires you. 

“I’m sorry I’ve ignored you,” you begin. Loki hates that you apologize. You have no need to, especially not when compared to him. 

But he’s done interrupting you. 

“It was… really hard, to see you like that,” your hands balled into fists. “You were so small, and that’s not what you’re like. Not to me. But even - even saying that’s why I’ve been so distant is a lie. Loki,” you grab one of his hands, and Loki swears he can feel his heart in his throat. “I couldn’t handle the idea that you could… die, without me ever being honest with you. I know we aren’t perfect, but I should have been telling you this a long time ago, even if you didn’t want to hear it.” You press a long, warm kiss to the inside of Loki’s palm. It makes his eyes drift shut for a moment. “Loki, I lo-”

“Stop,” Loki lays his fingers over your lips. They’re so soft. “You have given up too much to me already. Let me tell you first,” Loki pauses. “May I kiss you?”

You still. Hesitantly, you nod. 

Loki leans forward, and very slowly, with as much care as he can muster, he locks your lips against his. 

Loki is careful to listen to you. He lets you part your lips, and grab the front of his shirt. He allows you to surrender instead of claiming a victory over you. He takes note of your scent, your reactions, everything you present to him. When Loki draws away, he is delighted to find you follow him. 

“I love you,” he confesses.

It doesn’t fill him with dread or anxiety like he always thought it would. Loki feels so…

Appreciated.

Especially when you say it back. 

“Loki, I love you,” you throw your arms around him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. Loki can feel your small, short breaths on his skin. He closes his eyes. “I love you.” Your voice is muffled. Loki wants to trap you here, love you to death. Listen to your confession on repeat.

Suddenly, you still. The hand that’s resting on Loki’s knee begins to work its way up.

“Can,” you shiver. “Can I see it?”

Loki nods, helping you shift his trousers down.

Your breath hitches. 

Loki knows how the scar must look to you - raised and red. It looks even worse, contrasted by his pale skin. Loki tries to explain it’s alright, you won’t even be able to tell it was there in a month. You won’t hear any of it. 

“You,” you’re clearly struggling to find the words, your eyes glued to what’s left of the wound. Loki shifts uncomfortably, very aware his sex is just inches away from your gaze. You look at Loki with wide eyes. “Will you lay down?”

Curiosity and anticipation wash over Loki. He grants you your request, easing himself to his back. He cranes his neck to watch you, drinking in the sight. 

You carefully trace the angry skin, almost seeming like you were going to cry. You keep glancing towards Loki, like you’re worried you’ll hurt him. 

You dip your head, and in a feather-light kiss, you trail your lips over the harsh line. Loki chokes, instantly keening. 

He’s missed your attentions. And you’re being so damn  _ gentle _ . 

You start to pepper kisses around the scar as well, and then you’re trailing them higher and higher until the curls of Loki’s hidden hair tickle your nose. 

You press a kiss to the head of Loki’s cock, tracing a vein with your tongue. Loki groans, deep and guttural when you take him in your mouth. You bob your head, taking in more and more with each swoop. It isn’t long before Loki is panting, close to coming undone.

“Wait,” he pants. You look at him, and Loki cups your cheek. “Not yet. I don’t want to, not yet.” Loki pulls you to him, kisses you once more. 

You seem to understand, so you tug Loki’s shirt over his head. Then you let him do the same, and when you’re fully nude, Loki switches your positions so he towers over you. Loki covers every inch of skin he can find with kisses, starting with your thighs and moving until his mouth is over yours again. He reaches forward, taking one of your peaked nipples in his fingers. He worries the bud, twisting and rubbing it and listening to every mewl and gasp that you give to him. He latches his mouth over the other one, biting slightly. The taste of your skin, slick with sweat, is sweeter than any fruit or cake Loki has ever had. He slips his hand between your thighs, and carefully traces your lips. You’re dripping, and this feels more real to Loki than any other time. You’re here, on your own accord, and you are the one who instigated. 

You’ve taken Loki into your body so many times, a privilege Loki has no doubt abused more than once. But you’re inviting him in now, in spite of everything. 

You pull Loki inside you, and he enters you with grace. Then he pulls out, remembering his promise to go slow. He pulls away, then slips the tip in. He lets you adjust, kissing your hips and stomach. Then he eases in, more and more until he’s fully sheathed. You’re writhing underneath him, but instead of begging Loki to go faster, you’re just asking for  _ more _ , asking for him to be  _ closer _ .

“You’re so good,” Loki murmurs, then nibbles on your ear. You reach up, threading your fingers through Loki’s hair and pulling - no, yanking - and he shouts, hips snapping. “And warm,” Loki reaches between your bodies, finding your engorged clit with ease. His thumb moves over it quickly, slick with your juices and encouraged by your eagerness. You rake your nails over Loki’s back, and he groans, pressing against you harder. You keep making little  _ oh _ noises next to Loki’s ear, and they almost bring tears to his eyes.

Loki promises, then and there, he will always protect you. He will keep you close, never at arms’ length. You will be thoroughly loved, thoroughly satisfied, and most importantly, thoroughly appreciated. Loki will sooner smother you in affection than let you go one more second thinking he hates you. 

He tells you all this, lips brushing against your skin as he hits the spot inside you that makes you both hazy. With one final promise, Loki feels the coil in his stomach snap, and he comes shuddering against your body. You join him soon after, and Loki holds you this time around.

“Stay,” you tell him when he begins to pull out. “Please.”

You’ll never have to ask again.

Loki stays, both with you and inside you, his head resting on your chest and arms wrapped around your middle. 

He feels happy. 

And even better, he feels hopeful. 

* * *

That's a wrap!

Thank you all for sticking with me and this story. It's probably the most unique fic I've written, so seeing it get engagement has made me so so happy! Honestly, thank you. In addition to all y'all, I also want to shoutout my beta, [dilfism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dilfism/pseuds/dilfism). They are the coolest!!

If you're looking for something to read now that this is over, dilfism has an AMAZING fic that updated yesterday. _[_It's called_ once more to see you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29645916)_, and it's so good! If you're into Loki fics that take place on Asgard, this is the one for you. If you're more into AUs, I'm currently writing and updating my Professor! Laufeyson AU, _[A Study In Suit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27468259/chapters/67157509)_. I also posted a Din Djaren (The Mandalorian) x reader last week, titled _Relax_. You can read that [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29737428).

You're also more than welcome to come visit me on my tumblr, [lowkeyorloki](https://lowkeyorloki.tumblr.com/).

Again, thank you for sticking with this mini series. I had a blast writing it.

Be sure to let me know what you think ❤️


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